Well,

fml stands for "fuck my life"...And i wasn't speaking of someone in my family stumbling upon this.
I was speaking of people who know how to use the net and computers. I only found this site when i googled something and a couple of peoples blogs popped up.

These poems are not and were never meant to woo you. They are just an outlet for my love,pain, and anguish. I wanted you to know how i felt. I never even considered you calling,seeing, or talking to me ever again.The look in your eyes that day told me as much.But i am glad you like them. Even if some of them are confusing.

But i know how you are when you get stressed.I'm so so so sorry i've done this to you. To us.
I don't know what to say. I love you.

As for what i've said to David and Sadied or anyone else for that matter. I really couldn't say much.Not in words anyway. In Davids case, he's struggling enough as it is.He knew for a minute how sad and fucked up i was. And he knew what it was about. After all he is my brother. But if i tried to sit down and have a conversation with anyone about any of this i would break down.
At one point i was so fucked up over this i walked into the damn corner market over here and the lady behind the counter took a glance at me and immediately asked if i was okay. I'm still not. But, for the time being i will pretend.

Again babe, please don't worry about me or any of this. This is for me to worry about. The one thing i never want to do is hurt you,ever again. I wish i could take back all the hurt i've created for us. That letter and these poems were never intended or expected to somehow bring you back to me. I know i just wrote this a minute ago,but: I love you. If there ever is to be an "us" again, I don't want to give it what i always have. Because then i'll just get what i've always got. I want to give it something different, something better. So stop being so stressed. Stop thinking so much.
Just know that i love you.Know that i miss you. I know where you stand on all of this. I know you love me, and i know you miss me too. So there's nothing really to think about. Either i'm going to fail or succeed in my attempt to do this right. I know the consequences of both. If i fail, then i don't deserve you, regardless of how much i love you. If i succeed, i probably still don't deserve you. But then that's where it's going to be up to you, that's when you are going to have to think about things. Not now, not yet.

In closing: On the P.S. part...Well,she's taken care of. I can say that for sure. Judy and Jimmy and Joyce would have nothing else.Because how else would they supplement their incomes.
As for me, you know how much i love my grandmother. And when she does leave this world i will be very fucking sad.But at the same time, I will be happy for her. She has told me numerous times how she has prayed and prayed then prayed some more for God to just take her. And i don't blame her. I mean, she has been without her beloved for twenty-seven years. Put yourself in her shoes for a second (but like i said, don't think too much). Imagine if we spent 40+ years together,then one of us passed.Then being stuck here without the other for as long as she has been? Not cool. Soooo not cool. Like i said, i will be very sad from missing her. Man, i remember being a little kid, playing kings corners or Gin Rummy with her in the living room. Or even before that, when i was like 4. She would be at bingo until 12-2 in the morning. I would stay awake and wait for her to get home. When i was a little kid, my grandma was my best friend. I just realized i never told you any of this. But at the same time I had forgotten. fml.

I love you Megan, thank you for reminding me,seriously.