Well, thank you for letting me know that you are reading these.I'll try to stop making separate posts that speak directly to you. But i can't stop saying i love you. If i had had to choose between loving you and breathing, i would use my last breath to tell you i love you.
And yes, i remember every horrible thing i've said to you and what its done. You never deserved any of it. I was angry and hurt. though i always seem to be the one who angered and hurt myself. That's why i keep telling you i'm sorry. That night you called me and told me you were pregnant,
I should have been at your door asap. I never needed porn, can't say why i had it. I'm just a guy i guess. I look at the other half of the pics i left with you and know i had the most beautiful woman in my bed. In the rain. and you stayed. A month and a half ago, i was going to sue for the ring. Went to the courthouse, filled out all the forms. And the day before i was going to file them,i remembered what you told me:"Don't ever take it off my finger unless you don't love me anymore". So even though you had thrown it on the floor that night, i realized i was doing it again. I was about to take my anger and pain out on someone who didn't deserve it. I may have been hurting because of you. But other than that night and the fact you never put a ring on my finger. I have never really been hurt by you. You have done nothing but love me. I'm sorry.
As for me succeeding only if u want me? Not true at all. I had already signed up for college classes. And you know im not dumb or incapable. But you are my love. No matter what accomplishments this life may hold for me, or those that i hold for this life. Without you it's not worth any of it.
Before i got on the computer and read what you first wrote, i had come home crying. I had given up completely. I had to tell my mom that its not her fault, because i know if i didn't she might blame herself.She tried to talk to me. And i told her the same thing i'm telling you now. It's not worth it. It's not worth going through life pretending not to be sad, with these kind of regrets.
Then there's whats going on around here at home. I would go into it, but it's almost as sad and as heartbreaking as all of these poems. The only thing that isn't taking it to that level is the fact that it doesn't come as much of a surprise.
Anyway,I think i've addressed about everything that you wrote. It kinda makes me not want to persevere. But i'm not going to give up or do it half ass. Not this time. I'm going to give it all i've got and then some. I love you.
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Justin, I'm here, I read and here you. I feel that I need to fix this. I think that you are not understanding me. I'm angry, I'm not going to give up on this. Truly I wish I would. What I am trying to say is I will not come home to you untill you think, feel and understand everything I'm broken from. You have a drunkn memory of that night , I was talking to your friends about you and you told me if I feel upset at you to give you my ring. My ring simbolized your love for me and U and I felt that you were done with us. So my ring was handed to you by me!! It never hit the ground a table or any other fraction of a memory about it that you have. Secondly to have a ring put on your finger we have to get married and thats something youve told me for years that you dont want. All I have ever wanted was our own and a beautiful wedding. Thirdly your poems just hurt me and confuse me. Your blogs to me help me forgive and heal. Those I stupidly look for daily. I'm soo upset at you. The things youve typed about my ring, remind me of how selfish and petty you are. If you realy thought I was your soulmate you would find peace knowing it stays hidden in my heart of a time when I gave my all to someone that easily spit on me when I needed him the most. My effort, patients and loyelty have been wasted on a love that didnt love me back.. understand this, If you cant understand anything else...M
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