Oh my love:

I'm sorry you are having a bad day. I really am. But i'm not sure what you meant when you wrote you "want to give up and quit you are not successful".Did you mean you want to quit but can't? Or that you feel like you're not successful? I don't know what to say about the first one.
What i can tell you is that you are successful. I know it may not seem like it with how much your mom pilfers your purse; but i don't know anyone who has accomplished as much as you have at our age. I know it's hell with your mom. Above the fact that my room is a hellish mess, If i thought i deserved it at all i would ask you to come back and stay with me.



I'm pretty sure we were still seeing each other (i was going to put "together" in lieu of "seeing each other", but you never really left me) when i was trying to get a restraining order on jimmy. With the optimal goal of getting him out of the house. Well mainly judy, but no one in the family would have my back in the matter. Before we went to court, after i got the temporary, He was gone, shit was getting better. Then it got shot down, he came back, his check got cut down to $700 and he started getting his money same place i have been (grandma). Only difference is he isn't getting 10 here, 20 there. 2-4 days after he gets his check, he goes in and cleans out her wallet for her, which is at least 1 g . A week after that he'll get get a check from her for a few hundred, and so on every week until the 1st comes around and the cycle starts again. Even then nobody kicked jimmy out. Instead Joyce and Judy went with grandma to the bank, closed her savings, and opened an account in their name with all the money. So now you know what i meant about how sad yet un-surprising things here have become.

But don't be lonely. I'm always here for you. And my family has known for a long long time how i feel about you. They knew even more when i put a ring on your finger. lol, david hasn't even put a ring on sadied. As for what i've said...Just regrets, about how i've fucked up. That night before i read you're first post, i told my mom how much it hurt that you hated me and wouldn't even talk 2 me.Really though, what else could i have said? But no one knows about this. No one knows about all the poems. I put the intro thing at the top just in case somebody should stumble upon it and wonder "what the fuck?". If and when we work this out though i hope i can still write you a poem everyday.I know i will try, but i also know i only write anything good when i'm really sad.
I've got a ton of raps and poems all of this gd house you've never seen. Most of them suck though. I've looked at them and know if i sat there with them i could take pieces from each one and put them together to make a few really good ones, just never have.

I've been meaning to address the part you wrote about us not being able to conceive, didn't know where exactly to put it in all this, figure this is just a good a place as any i guess. So again: if and when we work this out...better yet when i work this out; I will go to the doctor and pay what ever needs to be paid, fix what ever needs to be fixed, and hope we will have one (maybe twins, but hopefully not septuplets). But i have always wanted one with you. We talked about it, more than we talked about our wedding and your black gothic type dress. I told you i want to be able to spoil our baby/babies. But in and of that fact, what i didn't say or tell you, is i don't want them to be around any of the shit most of my family has had to grow up around or go through, what Nat and Andy have had to grow up around.

Lastly, I would only wish you luck if i thought for a millisecond that you needed it. Even if you didn't have your credentials, I can't see anyone saying no to you. But i do wish you luck my love.
Luck and an so much more. Love you ; )