Isn't It?

Pushing hard,
The days roll on,
Whilst my hearts been weak,
Somehow my hope stays strong,
Even though the odds are long,
And wish i might,
Yet im not gone,

So while im here,
Somehow standing,
This angst and fear,
In dreams reprimanding,
I wake up in tears,
Like raindrops landing,

They soak my pillow,
And stain my cheeks,
For inside i feel,
So small and meek,
But i must keep going,
Beacuse no one ever asked me,
What i think,

When i do tell you,
My innermost thoughts,
The scars i will show you,
From which they were bought.

Today

Truly is,
To my dismay,
I woke again,
To another day,
Trapped in this world,
I can't get away,
My souls passed on,
While i must stay,

I've been left here,
All alone,
And whilst no fear,
That i have known,
Still life lingers,
Unto me it's pain is shown,

So whether now,
Or on the morrow,
When i die,
No need for sorrow,
Because i will be,
No longer hallow.

Thee End

As hard as i have tried,
I can no longer hide,
From what this is,
I shall no longer live,
With this pain i keep inside,

I love you just as much,
As i ever did,
Too bad it is not enough,
In this life to forgive,

And i wish that i could say,
I'll see you on the other side,
Except that for the first last time,
I know my soul has died.

My Love

The damn breaks,
Gushing outward,
Upon a barrenness,
Drowning everything,
Within this,
Breathes a life,
And yet,
It lies motionless,
An essence,
Without,
Being not anything,
But everything,
To me.

Abandoned

My sadness comes,
From where happiness was,
A place that you made,
And filled with love,
But now it lies hollow,
For without your touch,
The pain it exudes,
For my heart is too much.

The Journey

The road i travel,
Is long and rough,
Alone i've made it,
Not near enough,

To the place,
I need to be,
It is where i'm headed,
Is it where she'll be?

I do not know,
Yet do not doubt,
It's where i'll go,
By any route,

So if you see her,
Please tell her this,
My love is hers,
And her love i miss.

Trying

All i know is my mistakes,
But how many can one man make,
In a life condemned by fate,
My love for you perpetuates,
A struggle i shall not forsake,
And show you that its not too late,
To love again and forget hate,
Because my love has raised the stakes,
I went all in yet still my heart aches,
Whilst for my love thine does await.
At a point where stars illuminate,
A chance to for us to capitulate.

Truly

Like this love,
A pain we share,
Is just more proof,
That life's not fair,

But what conquers all,
As it has me,
Will conquer this pain,
So our life can be,

Something more,
Never the less,
To get there,
I shall pass the test,

Though while i'm here,
And without you,
Time has stopped,
Forgetting what i knew,

Yet what i do,
From herein on,
To prove my love,
Until i'm gone,

For you are the one,
And always were,
On the side of love,
I shall not err.

By Myself

I am here,
Alas still waiting,
As you once did,
For me,
Thus stating,
Irony,
In pain you felt,
While you were here,
Now this pains myself,
Inhabiting your presence,
In my life with ill health,
Though wealth is gained,
I’m still so poor,
My love for you,
Unaccompanied by yours

Silent But Lovely

The silent darkness lingers,
Heavy on my heart,
I fumble round inside this place,
Trying not to fall apart,
The one that holds the key for escape,
Won't let me yet depart,
And still i am faithful to my love,
As i have been from the start.

So though somewhat neglected,
This love matures no less,
The matter thou contested,
Although admittedly the best,
I hold my faith as best i can,
And hope my strength passes this test.

Daydreaming

The love of my life,
Hasn't been in it,
I wish i could see her,
If just for a minute,

So i close my eyes,
Remember her smile,
Alone i am with her,
Just for this short while,

While i daydream.
Of the things that i miss,
I'm sorry our love,
Has come unto this,

But better days are to come,
Not too far away,
When we'll be together,
And we'll be there to stay.

Well, i just read the last thing you wrote again. Meg, i love you with all my heart. Though it's understandable you being unsure of whether or not to give this another chance. It hurts that much more when you get so upset with me when it's obvious i am trying. I explained my educational goals and their purpose, so maybe that will ease your mind a bit.

But that on top of the conversation we had last night, that really fucked me up. Maybe i deserve it, but please please please, don't let me do all this if you won't be the perverbial light at the end of the tunnel.
Now i'm on my knees Megan, I'm crying, begging you, let me do things right for us. You already told me you basically won't let yourself love me anymore. If you're strong enough to hide that from yourself, be strong enough to let me try one last time.

Truth in Pessimism

When my every success,
Is deemed to have failed,
With all i have left,
You will find it prevailed,

So though you may not see,
Every day is for thee,
Because alone it is hopeless,
Though together it may be,

And as i carry on,
With a struggle well fought,
Many things i may have,
But you're all that i've got.

A case of th Mondays

Sorry about the link. It was just a James Blunt song called "same mistake"( you never told me if you listened to any of his songs). When we weren't talking one by him called "goodbye my lover" made me think of you alot.

Anyway, First day of this 8 week session of school. (Btw, I finally found out i got a B in my Pol/Sci class) . I'm taking whatever i can at this point to get the 15 credits the recruiter says i need, and need 12 more. So far i've got Communications and Sociology M,W,and Friday. Tomorrow i'm going to try to crash an intro to psychology as well as an economics class. But, problem is, i still haven't gotten any of the grant money and obviously don't have anything for books. Of course i havn't been sitting on my laurels simply waiting to see what happens; Tomorrow my file is being reviewed (grades eyc.) and i will find out whether or not i'll be able to complete the classes. At the same time, if all goes well, i will be able to go to the recruiters and tell them to either start handling shit or quit bull shitting me. In either case, i also have an appointment with the college counselor to start laying out a gameplan for my education.
I've decided to go for a triple major, so as not to sell myself short. Business, Political Science, and Psychology. Preferably in that order.

Nothing else is really going on. I miss you horribly, though i'm sure you already know that.
And i am awaiting the day when i can finally hold you in my arms again. Love you Meg.

(I'll be back in a bit to write a poem)

Lost

My sweet love,
How i miss you,
The only joy,
That i once knew,
Was in your arms,
But love bid adieu,
Though it never left,
For me lies untrue,
As well the fact,
This love's askew,
No matter the case,
What i am to do,
Give life to this love,
So we can start anew.

Epilogue

O' so tired,
Of how i was,
When i decided,
To give up,

I said no goodbyes,
But one last thing,
To see my love,
Before my ending,

But it all went wrong,
No not as planned,
Because i'm still here,
Yet i'll be damned,

If i don't make it right,
With one last try,
Though i might,
My love for you won't die.

My Everything

Giving my all,
For Naught I fall,
But for you i crumble,
Like the berlin wall,

Making the changes,
Is just one step,
Trying hard,
To prove the rest,

And when it's done,
For you i'll come,
To have our life,
And share our love.

?

I really can't believe what i just read. I told you i'm doing everything i can. And when i actually show some real progress, it amounts to less than nothing in your eyes..? I understand, it's not much, but it's something. And i know that when i start, and do the job to the best of my abilities, they will put me on full time. Maybe not at first, but they will.

I told you i would do it though. I told you i would get a job and do my half. But if you've really decided it's not worth it for me to do so, just tell me. Don't post it here though, call me and tell me.

Drakness

A night alone,
Without my love,
Is darker still,
But from above,
The angels call,
To be part of,
The light that conquers,
Both of us.

Again

To begin again,
Some things must end,
Sacrifices made,
For more than a friend,
Is what you are,
To me You lend,
Borrowed time,
And time again,.

Another

Yet another day gone past,
Seemingly so fast,
Wish i could slow it down,
And make our time last,
Because my love for you,
Is so very vast,
The role in my life,
In which you've been cast,

Thus you play the part,
A starring role,
The prize my heart,
Of which you've won whole,
Not to mention,
My eternal soul.

A Voice

A voice calls out in the darkness,
A voice that i have missed,
A voice that echoes in my soul,
A voice of tenderness,
A voice that shines so brightly,
Like high noon during twilight,
A voice for a few minutes,
Graced itself upon my life.

Well, i started trying to write one, but the two verses didn't seem to connect.

Disconnected

Missing the touch,
Of my love so much,
Calls to say goodnight,
Her voice soothing,
But,
I no longer hear,
And the pain is such,
That i do not listen,
As i did once.

My Being

Blissful days,
I no longer know,
Whilst these dark nights,
Pass by so slow,
Cold and alone,
Is where i stay,
In of myself,
I am ashamed.

My Nightmare Pt. 2

Whilst i await to awaken,
From my personal hell,
I'm not sure that i'll make it,
And it seems just as well,
My destiny is chosen,
My greatest success is to fail,
So with what i have left,
One last attempt to prevail.

My Nightmare

I feel like i'm dreaming,
Some horrible dream,
Every night i'm repeating,
The same exact thing,
Thinking of you,
With eyes wet and tearing,
Wondering when i'll wake up,
All the while,
Feeling you next to me,
Even though you're so close,
I cannot hear touch nor see,
In any physical sense,
The beauty that is your being.

= /

I know we can, because i remember when you wanted/had to keep us a secret before. At the same time i guess it doesn't matter, because if you wanted to you would. Good night meg, Love u.

Alone

Again it's the same,
My love left alone,
It brings me a pain,
That no one should know,

This pain is my life,
Or so it may seem,
For when i sleep at night,
Even then tears it doth bring,

When i awake in the morn',
My heart too does ache,
And from this is born,
A sadness time cannot take,

Thus instead of getting better,
I feel that much more worse,
Because for you it's forever,
Still for me it does hurt,

No matter how much i miss you,
Nor how much i care,
It seems all for naught,
But always my love will be there.

hun,

As horrible as i feel about everything, you telling me you're sick and that you're not sure that you're going to be okay...well, it scares me. You know i love you, and i don't really know how to say this, but i want to see you meg. If only for a few minutes, just to hold your hand again, maybe go for a little walk, i dont know. I'm kind of reluctant to put this up because if you reply to it all the answer will more than likely be no. But at the same time i dont want to regret not asking.

I love you Meg, I'll pray for you and i really hope you feel better.

Sweet Dreams

When i close my eyes at night,
If i hold them together tight,
I can see my love right there with me,
And for just a moment,
I feel happy.

Until i open them again,
And remember where i am,
You're here with me,
My love,
Megan.

Then and Now

Walking through places,
Where we spent time together,
How happy you made me,
In times that were better,
Reminiscing on your smile,
Which i may see again never,
The tears keep on falling,
Because I will love you forever.

Dedication

And so it seems,
That if it isn't one thing,
It is a dozen others,
But through it all a promise,
I made to my lover,
Yet even more to myself,
Because i truly love her,

It consists of this,
Plus so much more,
For two simple hearts,
This world has torn,
These oaths i've made,
Silently sworn,
Upon my life,
Of this hope forlorn.

I Would

Once upon a time,
When i was your man,
I would kiss your lips,
I would hold your hand,
I would rub your belly,
When you had cramps,
You made me feel,
Like no one can.

Now i hurt so much,
For those simple things,
The only place i find them,
Is in my dreams,
And so i pray,
For eternal sleep,
To be with you,
And no longer weep.

Dead or Alive

I am to be left,
With nothing right,
Still seeking justice,
In my fight,

The struggle on,
From day to day,
I've dug this grave,
In which i lay,

Buried alive,
Resting in peace,
Though your eyes,
May never see.

Home

Home again,
Without my friend,
Nothing here,
For me you left,
It isn't right,
But such is life,
And so my love,
I bid you,
Goodnight.

That Thing

For a long time i searched,
And once found,
For it i yearned,
But never could i fathom,
The lessons i would learn,

Love does hurt,
So much more than it might seem,
The pain it causes far outweighs,
Any happiness it brings,

A life led with sorrow,
And ended by my dreams,
It's the only place i find content,
Until i wake up,
In silent screams,
With tears that fall,
To nothingness,
No solace does this world deem,
For me,
To be unworthy of love,
Employs my destiny

Somewhere

Writing this by moonlight,
On the bank of a river,
Stars shining so beautifully,
Off the water like a mirror,
Wishing i could swim away with it,
No longer being here,
Forgetting all this pain,
Seems like an answer to my prayers,
But i can never go home,
For that is where the heart is,
Yet being in love alone,
Has turned out to be the hardest.

Left With

I think of you,
So far away,
Why i'm alone,
And why i stay,
Faithful to this,
Emptiness,
You once filled this void,
Now i'm left with shit.

Too much

Away from the world,
But still left with my sadness,
Dreaming of you,
Is leading me to madness,
Looking back at all we had,
And all that could have been,
Of how you should be here with me,
But unfortunately,
Life is too unfair,
So for a man with too much love,
To ask for just a little bit,
Is asking way too much.

Still

I try my luck,
To find it's tried out,
My heart has left me,
And i've been alone,
For some time now,
Without a doubt,
I am clueless,
On how this love,
Has stayed devout,
Still it stays steadfast,
Everlasting this world,
That surrounds.

Reflection

These long days without you,
When i think about you,
At times i am doubtful,
But am glad to have found you,
Because if it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't know love,
Yet nor would i pain,
The sad fact of he matter,
Is they are one in the same.

Sadness

Another day,
Of so many,
Without which i've been,
On another journey,
Still it is for you,
That i've been wishin',
But it's time to turn in,
The sandman cometh,
So i'll see you in my dreams,
My love,
For it is all that's left.

A Dark Morning

I am not home right now,
But somehow,
I am where i ought to be,
But when will you see
That without you i am nothing,
Yet with the morning sun,
Rising up,
You may not think of me,
Though someday you may realize,
You're this nothings everything.