How many days?

I sincerely wish i would simply die.  Its pretty obvious how worthless i am.  Even the universe takes me for a joke.  To finally find someone ive waited half my life for, only to have my love shunned.  As if my life werent fucked up enough.  Today was just icing on the cake though.  While adorable in a way, i had to deal with a kid encouraging me as if i were a fucking retard.  And for what? The reminder that damn near every employer drug tests and will deny employment for having weed in your system.  Damn near every other drug:understandable.  But weed?? 

Im digressing though, which isnt such a bad thing considering whats really weighing on my soul.  Which is the fact that i do not want to live another day.  Theres no point and i dont belong here.  I know what i have to do, i just hope i can follow thru.  Maybe if i close my eyes it will be easier.  A couple drinks probably would help as well.  It really is fucked that i was resuscitated 2 years ago.  I was at peace and actually able to take my life without harming anyone else. Now i have to worry about someone random getting hurt, probably trying to stop me.  Fuck it i guess.  I should really just start showing the world the same consideration its shown me.