Not So Simple

A simple kiss
your lips on mine
For this moment
Every thing is fine
And so i hold it
Keep on trying
Don't let it go
This loves not dying
If i should slip
Grip me more tightly
When you open your eyes
You will find me
Seems i've been lost
And needed saving
Can we go home?
Can we make our babies?
I will do my half,
Will you be my lady?

My Will and I

Tonight i'll think of you,
But will you think of me,
This love i will die for,
But will i live to see,
Or even will it be,
Will i ever know,
This love you have given me,
This love we cannot show,
This love on that brick wall,
You wrote and set in stone,
My will has become weak,
Yet stronger than before.

Meg...

I wish i could say this to your face. But maybe this way is better in the fact that i'll be able to say it without leaving anything out.You know that i miss you, and (i hope) you know that i love you.
But I have to admit that i am very scared. I know that i'll be able to somehow get my shit together.
And i know that it's not going to happen over night. I'm estimating about 2-3 months to save up what we'll need. But i know that day will come. What i'm scared of is you changing your mind.
You said that it is going to be up to me. But when it comes down to it, it's going to be up to you.
My hand will be there, it's going to be up to you to decide whether or not to take it in yours.
Meg, i love you, and i hope that me doing what i should have done a long time ago is going to be enough. Even though i'm scared that it might not be enough, I'm going to do it. And when i do you won't be able to call me a "no good" anymore ; ) .

I am closing my eyes and tucking you in. Sweet dreams my love.

Silencio de Corazon

My heart has been silenced,
Yet still it speaks,
'it says so much,
Through the tears that i weep,
Or when just for you,
It skips a beat.
My heart has been silenced,
Except when i sleep,
Because you never left me,
Alone in my dreams.

My Last Failure

My heart aches,
This love makes.
My knees weak,
But one day,
When i wake,
I hope you'll be there,
For real this time,
It's not fake,
Destiny to be my fate,
In your eyes,
Love we made,
The beauty inside you,
On my life,
I shall stake,
Not promises,
But truths,
Revealed by this heartbreak.

Meg, i've always wanted our own. You have no idea. But your right. We can't be friends. because you are my love.I can't promise you anything, for it will be hard enough. But if i can get a job, make it to where it's possible to have our own; Will there be a chance for us? Or is this really over?
I'm so fucking broken. I swear my heart actually aches. I told you i'm ready to quit. But i'd rather try to do things justice. To do you justice. I hope when you said you wouldn't look at this page again you were lying. I need to know if there's a reason to try or if to give up this life and pain. If you really don't look at this page again i will write you a letter 2morrow. In the mean time i will earnestly start looking for work. I miss you.

By the way

I dont know what keeps you from me. Because regardless of everything else..You are my best firend.

Oh my

My friend
My lover
My one
No other
My son
My daughter
My children
Their mother
There is
No other
Truthfully I love her
Never place
One above her.

My case
I plead
To the gods
I scream
Please
They answer
With you
For me
My dreams
Come true
But what
To do
With lies
So true
Being
The one
Subtracted
From two.

Influenza Of The Soul

I gave up long ago,
But your love still has it's hold,
Gripping so tight,
Constricts my soul,
I cannot dream,
Can sleep no more.

You make me feel like no one else,
Even now you infect my health,
Sick every day for the cure you hide,
Stuck on this earth not quite alive,
Thought it dead but still it lingers,
Like a cancer,
This love,
A plight,
So grievous.

Invisible

My eye lids lift,
I look around,
I'm in your bed,
Wondering how.

I hear your voice,
Call out your name,
Waiting for a reply,
That never came.

Now on my feet,
Walk down the hall,
Find you under your bonnie,
But something is wrong.

Calling out your name,
You don't even flinch,
I can't comprehend,
Any of this.

Through me you look,
As if i'm not here,
Asking can you see me,
Or do you not care.

Incomplete

As i continue on this weary road,
Nearing completion of my goals,
Nothing will fulfill my soul,
She stole my heart,
Never again will i be whole.

So it matters not what i accomplish,
Because i'm caught in love,
With no accomplice,
On down a pit that must be bottomless,
Praying for death to put a stop to this.

Let me rest now let me sleep,
To know nothing eternally,
And better yet don't let me think,
Like her leave me with memories.

Still Falling

Hope the guard's relaxing,
Sneak into the hall,
Quarters jingling,
I make the call,
Convo for awhile,
Then i drop the ball,
"I think i'm in love with you",
Your words didn't even stall.

From there it went,
For 5 short years,
So many smiles,
Many more tears,
We shared our hearts,
We shared our fears,
If you only knew,
How much i care.

I loved you then,
As i do now,
I would try to stop,
But don't know how,
Even if i did,
I probably couldn't,
I would still be falling,
Calling catch me,
But you wouldn't.

Knowing

No last kiss,
No goodbye,
Know that i miss you,
No need to lie,
I'll love you always,
For all of time,
When this life's over,
Maybe we'll find,
A way to show,
Love we now hide,
Because it's something,
That will not die.

My Demise

So none shall see,
What is to be,
Through all my dreams,
It does seem,
Cloaked in the shadows,
My foe creeps,
To my demise,
That foe is me.

Reminiscing In This Darkness

My arm around you,
Your sweet dimples and smile,
I put the picture down,
Sit and cry for awhile,
Memories of us then,
Two naieve like a child.

You are the one,
I dedicate my life to.
There will be none,
To recieve my love,
In the way that you do.

So hate this if you must,
Just another pain that will plague me,
Added to the ring you threw off,
Me not giving you babies,
You not being here,
The hurt is making me crazy.

My best friend,
Is exactly what you are,
In yours holding my hand,
When the lights got dark,

But it's dark again,
And your not here,
I'm alone in this darkness,
All alone...with my tears.

Never

It seems that the world would have me forget,
And bring love true as mine unto nothingness,
Thus my heart stands strong for this i shall not let,
Rooted deep in my soul 'til my lifes last breath,
I'll hold on with a grip that is tighter than deaths,
And battle that which would find happiness in its absence,
Forever i told you-exactly that which i meant,
To have and to hold from under my left breast,
And so from my love you are never exempt,
Even if this my love you could never accept.

When without you i awake

Looking at you,
Then the ceiling,
Just a fool,
My eyes start swimming,
Tear drops pool,
Heart beats skipping,
This isn't cool,
To have life,
But not living.

Wish i could drink and drive,
Pedal mashed down,
In the wrong lane,
Or maybe a sky dive,
From downtown,
What the fuck is a plane,
13 stories is high enough,
Plus parachutes are pretty lame,
Headlights at terminal velocity,
Probably would be better,
Than this pain,
It's not insane,
It's just how i feel,
When without you,
I awake.

I Remember

So much time has passed,
Since with you I was last,
How many times that i have wished,
This life didn't move so fast.

So you may forget,
And be much better,
But forever yet,
My heart remembers.

Your smile and lips,
Your tongue when we'd kiss,
Your blonde hair and brown eyes,
Just some of the things that i miss.

With your hand in mine,
I'd be doing just fine,
You'd "never let me push you away",
T'was but a lie.

For better or worse,
More words that shall linger,
Like me being your beloved,
Whilst never a ring on my finger.

Those three words were easy,
But where could my love be,
Unimaginally painful,
Those words by her,
Not unto me.

Then the two words we did speak of,
Words that we never spoke,
Two words that are full of love,
Words for which on I had my hopes,

These two i remember hearing,
Never being said yet with both of us to blame,
Still their abscence get my thoughts to wondering,
Of if my love was just a game.

What are these two words,
And why are they so cool,
Because before i closed my eyes and kissed you,
We said the words,
I do.

When You Were With Me

When you were with me,
I thought i was strong,
But as you move on,
I realize i was weak all along.

When you were with me,
The roof would leak,
On those winter eve's,
But still here with me.

When you were with me,
I was such a fool,
Then not knowing,
My dreams had come true.

When you were with me,
You were my Rose,
Titanic love,
Jack Dawson prose.

Moving On

I've been here for awhile,
Broken,
Defiled,
One piece of mine,
To give me peace of mind,
Three lives broken,
For what reason is hard to find.

Moving on,
The world around me,
Still i sit,
Yet no one can see,
The man that's here,
In this Valley,
I have no fear,
Shadows surrounding.

But pain i know,
And love i knew,
My love her name was,
Her name...was you.

Last Night

Last night i spoke to you,
And you tried to speak back,
The silence was screaming,
To take it all back,
To try once again,
Sure...give it a go,
So I did just that,
And stepped out that door,
Next thing i know,
Im there on your porch,
Ready to run,
But where to and what for.

Beautiful as ever,
You appear before me,
I Blink my eyes,
Now back on that jetti,
Writing a poem,
Of love and slurpees,
Thinking of carnivals,
and me on one knee,
Then us making out,
on that brick wall in the alley,
Whilst watching alexander,
at the palm AMC.

Thats when i realized,
That i was asleep,
There is no more us,
No more Tiger,
Nor Phillipe,
I awaken,
I weep,
I cry,
For simply,
This morning im alone,
Last night,
You were with me.

Last words

The rest of our lives,
having our babies,
the last words you said,
remind me im crazy,
For you are far gone,
Yet still here with me,
You carry my dreams,
And keep my heart beating,

My heart is not broken,
Its just a half,
You carry the other,
And on it you pass,
You keep on walking,
I'll cry while you laugh,
Isn't it funny,
I'll be here when it gets back,

But thats why i cry,
For i know it's not coming,
But i can still close my eyes,
And still you look stunning.

My first

My first,

My last,

My future,

My Past,

My hopes,

My dreams,

My god,

I ask,

Why her,

Why me,

Why us,

Why this,

Why love,

Why life,

Why death,

My bliss.