Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Suicide by starvation?

 I'm surely dying, and glad of it.  Seven days without any food and but a couple sips of water in the first 48 hours.  I am letting myself have energy drinks, but other than that I'm not ingesting anything.  

I hope so bad my body shuts down and this is all over before someone has medics drag me to the hospital and force sustenance into me. But in the meantime, as I lay here with nothing better to do but wonder how my life has turned out this way: I wish so hard I could just go home, to that dingy, cold patio we spent so much time together in, and you be there in your p.js waiting for me. 

I can close my eyes and see it. You're mad because you've been missing me and waiting for me. You ask me "where have you been?"...

All I can say is "I'm sorry" as I walk up to u and wrap my arms around you

That's when I start sobbing though. Because it's all just a delusion in my head.  With tears streaming down my face I open my eyes and I'm in this rancid garage attached to another house not far from the place I somehow still consider home.  

I wish we could've been allowed to just love each other Meg, and I'm sorry for everything.  I just want to hold you again so bad my love.  

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