I wish i had an actual keyboard

If i did the words would flow more effortlessly. I could sit and let my fingers do the talking.  Now I have to wrestle with a virtual keyboard and autocorrect. Fml.

For what it's worth, I do miss u M.  Not entirely, but those rare times you would let me close. Where I could hold your hand and just be with you... Our naps.  Those moments that there were so few of. The moments I clung to.  

But right now, it's not you my heart is aching for.  While there wasnt anything tangible between her and I, I did meet a woman who sparked life back into my heart.  Just as full of shit as you ever were. Yet and still, just being around her.  Talking to her. Making and seeing her eyes light up when she smiled and laughed her dorky laugh...she made me want to be better.  

But you know how I am. All or nothing.  Exactly why I'm shedding tears over something I could never have: a woman whom truly awakens my soul.  It's okay though, because I'm just going to order a shit ton of seroquel online and end my misery.  At least this time I know better than to message anyone any goodbyes while I'm in the process.  So let this be my goodbye to you my love.  You truly were my one and only.  And 100% right about me not seeing you in my future.  But nor have I seen myself with anyone else, though not for lack of trying.

Still, so much of me belongs to you.  No matter how far away we've pushed eachother.  And with that i will love you til my dying breath.  That breath which I hope to soon take.

Au revoir mi amor

A journey yet far

What past lies before me, 

On this path that I've taken,

Each misstep in line with, 

The love it was made in,

The heart I poured out,

For your light that I bathed in,

Now just darkness surrounds,

Unto love, I have gave in.

Can you hear me now?

My heart speaks Upon deaf ears,
So my soul bleeds Into these pages,
I gave love my everything,
It stole my dreams and took ages,
The cost of my life was prepaid,
Thanks to bad credit and slave wages,
Your velvet revolver never stood a chance,
When I laid my head in twelve gauges.

my cause of death

smiling for the world,
but dying on the inside,
every day i die for you,
you just pass me by,
keep on walking,
i'll keep dying,
slowly
theses words mean nothing,
as much as i do,
so im still dying
with my love for you.

The End

It's a shame how much pain a love can bring,
Kind of strange when the same love,
Didnt mean a thing,

And that thing you held so close to you for so long,
Wasn't there to begin with,
Now you're glad it's gone.

But movin on aint an option,
Because your still stuck,
With the same stupid fuck shit bitch ass cunt,

So the last time you saw me let it be just that,
While you could've had it all,
I'm not ever coming back.

unfinished

I can see straight,
through the lies,
with crooked smiles,
you compromise,
what we have i realize,
is time and time again.

So i pretend,
that this aint killin me,
still u just aint feelin me,
the pain thats been instilled in me,
like a means without an end.

Getting there

I wake up,
the suns shining,
the birds singing in the trees.
crawl up out of bed,
i gotta get me some caffiene,
but first i hit my stash up,
cuz what i really need is green,
it takes me to a higher level,
and shows me the unseen.

So i got my irie going,
throw my headphones on,
c walking out the house,
but i'm already gone,
though i dont know where i'm going,
i'll get there before long,
in the meanwhile,
It's just the same old song.