Its over

 Well, i wish I could say it was good while it lasted, but it was only good until she decided her boyfriends were more important than me.  It was all downhill from there.  It was karma tho, or maybe just my guilt from what I'd done to my babygirl so many years ago, and how she did me in the end.  

Either way,: my heart hurts, my soul is tired, and i wish I had the strength to just cut my wrist open so I could leave this plane of existence.  Because unless I can get my hands on a few thousand mgs of serequel again, I dont think the pill route is going to work. I tried with over 100 mgs of oxy and 2 12oz beers. Im pretty sure that should've worked.  

But again, maybe its karma. Maybe I didn't die because im meant to suffer on.  Or maybe God actually has some kind of plan for me. Maybe im supposed to be someone's rock, or still do something special with my life that can amount to something. Or maybe I just have shit luck. I dont know.

What I do know is im sorry for not giving you the love you deserved megan.  I know you wanted more than that from me, because I have more to offer. But my love was all you really needed, and I couldn't give that to you because I was shitty.  20 years later and I know exactly how you felt when you would tell me I was hurting you and I didnt care. Because thats what this woman did to me.  Now more than ever I wish I could go back and right my wrongs with you.  Another chance to love you like you wanted, because the kind of love you had for me is what I want now, and its what I needed, I was just too full of myself to realize it.

So to you meg, and pamela: im truly sorry